Responding To Insults

There are many ways of responding to insults constructively that keep you from getting sucked into a negative whirl. In fact, you can even approach the experience of being insulted as an opportunity to grow. But, first you have to realize that being insulted can have a positive outcome. the insult may have come to you to clear karma - to balance something negative you might have done in the past. Or, it may have come to help you build sgtrength and endurance, to teach you not to respond impulsively. Perhaps you are being invited to develop compassion, to look more deeply at who the other person really is and what they're going through.

If you do not take the insult personally, it cannot hurt you at all. Realize that the person who insulted you had to be in pain to behave that way. You could respond with kindness; you could offer understanding in return.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Mistakes Are Your Friend

Of course we'll all be fearful and live with constriction when we're so afraid of making mistakes. But, there's nothing wrong with making mistakes. Mistakes are natural, inevitable, part of the process of growth and learning. You can't get up if you don't fall down. A child would never walk if they were afraid of falling. When we take action, we always learn. Whatever happens is our teacher. Why call it a mistake? Perhaps it was an unexpected outcome? Okay. There's even more to learn and discover from an unexpected result. Why do we punish ourselves for that? Who labels it a mistake? Instead, we might just say, we did something and something happened..now we'll do something else. You can't move forward if you fear failure, fear making mistakes. Why don't we turn it around and say, it's good to make a mistake. It means I've taken a chance. I've stood up my fear and become stronger than it.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

The Gift of Change

There is an incredible idea we all live with that everything will and should stay the same. We cling to this notion for dear life and are continually surprised when things we love leave, when relationships fade, our body changes, our fortunes fluctuate. When all of this happens, as it naturally must, we may even feel personally insulted or betrayed. Many say, “how can this be happening to me?” Others feel victimized by change, as if it’s living proof that they are failures. They have failed to hold everything together, to keep things the same. They have failed to have their expectations realized, expectations which did not factor in, the inevitable process of change.

You Cannot Step Into The Same River Twice

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus tells us that “you cannot step into the same river twice.” The next moment you step into the river, not only is the river different, but you are different as well. Your body temperature has changed, your mood, the moment. . You have been impacted by all that has gone on. The river too has undergone changes, it has washed over rocks, swished the underbrush, tossed different fish inside it. The river is different and so are you. How beautiful and thrilling. .

However, many do not feel that change is beautiful and thrilling. They find it frightening, resist it and do all they can to block it out. They set up dams to hold it back; rigid beliefs and ideas that seek to contain the flow. This resistance to change causes real pain.

If not for the process of constant change, no growth would be possible. You would not be able to tell the difference between childish infatuation and real compassion. After you breathed in, you could not breathe out. A child could not go from sitting to crawling. Change is your friend. Change is a gift. It is crucial that you learn to see it that way.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Restoring The Self

There are many recovery groups these days; groups for alcohol, drug abuse, relationship abuse, sexual addiction, eating disorders, addictions of all kinds. How about recovery of the Self? Addictions and obsessions are fueled by hunger for the true Self, by the emptiness of life without it. Once the Self is recovered, equilibrium is established and everything else falls into place.

In the Practice of Fearlessness, it is crucial to know who you are and who you are not - what is false and unworkable in your life, where you are living someone else's dream. You must know what feels disturbing, fundamentally out of synch with who you are. It's important to acknowledge that which you cannot do, that which is not for you.

So many of us spend our lives twisting ourselves to conform to the expectations of others and completely lose touch with what is real for them. Families are famous for projecting their imags and demands on members. People "in love" can do the same. However, these images which are projected onto others can be lethal. They cause pain, distortion and lack of self acceptance, lack of knowing who we truly are.






Based on Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind
www.becomefearless.org Dr. Brenda Shoshanna topspeaker@yahoo.com

Building Fearless Relationships

Fear is a great factor in relationships. It confuses our mind, undermines our confidence and causes us to make unhealthy choices. But it is easy to build fearless relationships when we pinpoint the causes of fear, look it in the eye, and release this fear from our minds and hearts.

A great source of fear is rejection by others. Not aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. Rather than seeing relationships as a place of safety and support, they become dangerous. They become a place where we are constantly being tested to see if we measure up. In fact, we are constantly testing ourselves. If our partner is happy, if we've won the person of our choice, then we think we've succeeded and are worthwhile. If our partner leaves, if we can't get the person we long for, we decide we are failures and not deserving of love.

What a huge mistake! To build fearless relationships, we have to take a few steps back and start by building a fearless relationship with ourselves. We must release fear of rejection by others and stop rejecting ourselves.

Notice three ways you reject yourself. Stop it right now. Don't do it today. Turn it around and accept yourself, just as you are. Find ways in which you are lovable, this very moment. Start by accepting that.

(More to come)













www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

New Ways of Healing Suffering

When pain comes into our lives, (whether emotionally or physically) we usually tense up, fight our problems, try to figure a solution, or depend upon our logical minds. We feel we must overpower our problems with expertise. As soon as we feel pain or discomfort, we immediately try to stop it from happening and look for some way to soothe what we are going through. This orientation leads to increasing stress and a never ending battle with anything upsetting that goes on. After one problem is conquered, another arises. There is little room for peace of mind.

We do not stop and wonder what exactly the pain is saying to us – is there a lesson to be learned? In the Emotional Balancing Method, we do something different. We learn how to stop, listen and discover the lessons the suffering is trying to teach us. Suffering often comes when we feel defeated or overly exhausted. The distress may be the only way we can give themselves permission to stop, rest, and make much needed changes in our lives. Rather than tense up to fight our problems, there is another way to approach them that allows natural healing energies and understanding to flow.

In order to do this, it is important to learn how to stop, pay attention and respect all that comes to us. It is as if we were re-focusing a camera, receiving our experience through a different lens. As we do so, we see that pain is not bad. It arises from lack of balance. Our suffering can be seen as a messenger. W hen we learn how to respect it, listen to it, and ultimately release it, healing begins in all kinds of ways.

Most of the time we are reluctant to notice the quality of our lives, moment by moment. We are all experts at brushing things under the carpet. Then the carpet begins to roll up at the corners, and we feel we are coming unglued. Our suffering demands that we now pay attention to all that has been unattended to. Stop and listen to me, it pleads. We learn to "dialogue" with our pain. As we do so, we find the suffering is holding a gift in its hands, and an entirely new life begins.

Learning To Listen

We usually listen only to part of ourselves. The rest is rejected. But no matter what we are rejecting, soon or later we must come up against it and face it straight on. Rejecting something never makes it go away. In fact, it will come back time and again, just for you to accept it. Everything needs to be loved and accepted, including our pain. When we allow ourselves to be present to the pain, to listen to what it has to say, incredible changes can happen.

Simply close your eyes, stop fighting, and ask what the pain is saying to you, what does it need right now? Then become very quiet and listen deeply. An answer may not come right away. Patience is needed. This attitude is called making friends with the pain. Answers come in different ways. Some hear answers within. Others see images, some have dreams. In this process you learn to be open to all that comes and in this openness, you learn. As you do this process over and over, fear diminishes and changes that are needed often take place on their own naturally. Try and see.