About Dr Brenda Shoshanna

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New York, New York, United States
Psychologist,relationship expert and workshop leader, my work is dedicated to helping you release your fears, access your enormous inner resources and be all you are meant to me. The author of many books, including the latest, Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind -(www.becomefearless.org) .

FEARLESS; THE 7 PRINCIPLES OF PEACE OF MIND - www.becomefearless.org

It's one thing to understand fear, it's another to know how to dissolve it from your life. Becoming Fearless is a practice, based on the principles of peace of mind. Once this practice is undertaken, it's easy to release fear and become calm, balanced and positive, no matter what is going on.

Contact: Dr. Shoshanna
(212) 288-0028


The Practice of Fearlessness

Some think fear keeps them safe, on guard against danger. But the opposite is true. Fear confuses our minds, tells us lies, lowers our immune system and undermines our relationships. There is never a reason to hold onto fear. Being in the grip of fear is like being stung by a serpent.

The first thing to understand is that you can make better judgments, take constructive action and increase your safety when you release fear from your life. There are many steps to take on the path of Becoming Fearless and this blog will be dedicated to sharing them all.

The first step is to know that fear is a liar. When you refuse to believe the false messages it brings you and do not give in to the catastrophic expectaions it creates, fear weakens and backs away.

When fear assaults you with a negative message, stop, look it in the eye and refuse to believe what it's saying. This will take its power away. Fear takes its strength from your belief in it. Once the fear departs, you will be able to see much more clearly exactly what is going on. You do not need fear to be safe. In fact the confusion created by the fear, takes true safety and clarity from you.

Today, when ever you hear a frightening or negative message, stop, refuse it. Feel the fear behind it and tell the fear it can go...Once the fear has subsided you can look at the situation again with new, clear eyes. You will also be strengthened to take whatever constructive action may be called for at that time.

Instead of believing in the power of fear, why not believe in the power of truth?

Becoming Fearless: (Workshop Program) Building Fearless Relationships Your Natural Ability to Live Free of Fear Becoming Fearless During Change and Loss The Disowned Self (Welcoming Him/Her Home)
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Monday, August 16, 2010

Responding To Insults

There are many ways of responding to insults constructively that keep you from getting sucked into a negative whirl. In fact, you can even approach the experience of being insulted as an opportunity to grow. But, first you have to realize that being insulted can have a positive outcome. the insult may have come to you to clear karma - to balance something negative you might have done in the past. Or, it may have come to help you build sgtrength and endurance, to teach you not to respond impulsively. Perhaps you are being invited to develop compassion, to look more deeply at who the other person really is and what they're going through.

If you do not take the insult personally, it cannot hurt you at all. Realize that the person who insulted you had to be in pain to behave that way. You could respond with kindness; you could offer understanding in return.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Monday, August 2, 2010

Change Is Not Loss

Most of us resist change because it feels like loss. But change is not loss, it is simply change; it is inevitable, healthy and necessary. Rather than seeing change as bringing new life and growth, it's easy to see it as a villain, taking something you've loved away. But if something truly belongs to you, nothing can take it away. If something does not belong to you, no matter how hard you cling to it, it still must go where it belongs.

What are you holding onto right now? What do you refuse to let go of?

When it's time for something to go, it has to go. Honor that. You cannot change the natural cycles and rhythms of life.

When you take your hands off life and allow it run its natural course, not only do you receive many wonderful surprises, but a great deal of energy and peace of mind are restored.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Thursday, July 29, 2010

You Can't Step Into The Same River Twice

We all hold onto everything and want to keep things the same. Fear arises if a person changes, a job seems uncertain, or if a relationship begins to shift under our eyes. When change happens we feel like a failure or as if we're having to undergo loss.

But life is nothing but change. It cannot be otherwise. Change is natural, necessary, a force for growth. If a baby did not change, she would never go from crawling to walking, an older child would never go from kindergarden to first grade, a pregnant woman would never deliver her baby. Why do we fear and resist change so? Why do we spend so much energy holding back the natural tides?

To release fear about change, recognize the fleeing nature of life. Make peace with it. Spend time watching changes that take place naturally and embrace the beauty within these changes. See how each change brings something new in its wake.

Make a practice of enjoying change, welcoming it into your life. If you notice catastrophic expectations cropping up, say no to them. Focus on whatever life is giving, and say thank you for it.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Saturday, July 17, 2010

How To Calm Down

No matter what is happening around us, it is never necessary to become trapped in feelings of fear. We are not the victims of the world we see. We can stop our automatic reactions; there are simple steps to take which can easily turn our state of mind around. Fear can easily become addictive. The longer we hold onto it, the more real it can seem, and the harder it becomes to take actions which are constructive and appropriate. The steps offered in this article are simple, but powerful. The more we practice them the stronger we become.

Tap Into Your Fundamental Strength

There is a wonderful saying,“Open the treasure house within.” This reminds us that we are all endowed with many resources that we’re not aware of, and do not use in our lives. In order to get in touch with these innate abilities, we must stop depending upon others to solve our problems for us. We must also give up blaming others, and turn within. As soon as we start to take responsibility for what’s happening and for the way we are responding it, we begin to tap into our fundamental strength.

Pay Attention

We are what we think about. When we stay fixed on one person, thought or situation, we become caught in the grip of that situation. The more we give attention to that which is upsetting, the more strength it has to rule our lives. This can be counteracted easily.

Take back your focus and attention. The power of focus is the power of life. Spend time each day developing focus and concentration. Withdraw yourself from the chaotic world for a period of time each day, and invite your attention back within. Sit with a straight back, do not move and pay full attention to your breath. Let random thoughts come and go. Do not suppress them, but do not let them grab your attention away. (At first you may be besieged by many surprising thoughts and feelings, but if you simply notice them and then return your attention to your breathing, these will soon die down). Count your breath from one to ten, then all over again. Do this for at least ten to fifteen minutes without moving. By doing this you are stopping what is called the monkey mind. You are also pulling the plug on fear.

Stop The Monkey Mind

The monkey mind is the mind that jumps from one thing to the next, fears, demands, grabs and sabotages our lives. It is this part of ourselves which causes sorrow and fear. But it cannot take over our lives, when we take charge of our focus. By meditating daily, we not only take the steam away from the monkey mind, strengthen parts of ourselves which can guide and lead us in a new direction. Before long we begin to experience calm, balance and well-being, no matter what’s going on.

Find A New Perspective

This wonderful time spent with oneself is a way to discover a new perspective, become able to see clearly and put the situation in a larger context. The new perspective becomes a fortification against many of life’s storms. By turning within, we develop a place we can always return to, for wisdom, strength and comfort. When we allow people and events to upset and consume us, we are inviting trouble, giving our precious, inner treasure away.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Friday, July 16, 2010

Monday, July 5, 2010

Mistakes Are Your Friend

Of course we'll all be fearful and live with constriction when we're so afraid of making mistakes. But, there's nothing wrong with making mistakes. Mistakes are natural, inevitable, part of the process of growth and learning. You can't get up if you don't fall down. A child would never walk if they were afraid of falling. When we take action, we always learn. Whatever happens is our teacher. Why call it a mistake? Perhaps it was an unexpected outcome? Okay. There's even more to learn and discover from an unexpected result. Why do we punish ourselves for that? Who labels it a mistake? Instead, we might just say, we did something and something happened..now we'll do something else. You can't move forward if you fear failure, fear making mistakes. Why don't we turn it around and say, it's good to make a mistake. It means I've taken a chance. I've stood up my fear and become stronger than it.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Monday, June 28, 2010

Acknowledging Others

When you acknowledge others, it's like giving water to a thirsty plant.when you acknowledge someone, you offer honest, positive feedback about what they've done that has been meaningful to you. Usually we take everything for granted, including that the other person knows how we feel. They do not. Everyone thrives when they are acknowledged, yet most of the feedback we give to others has to do with what they have done wrong. We let them know when we're upset. But how about when we're happy or pleased. How about when they've gone that extra mile for us? Do we just feel we have it coming? Do we take the time to say thank you, or acknowledge the extra effort they've made.

Acknowledgment is a simple, but powerful force that allows others to feel appreciated, respected and supported, rather than feeling as though their efforts had little effect at all. Acknowledge someone by mentioning what they have done that was meaningful to you. Then let it sink in. Don't wait for a certain response, or expect or demand it. Let your acknowledgment be freely given and freely received. Both you and the other person will feel nourished, uplifted and inspired to do more.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Perfect Person

We are all searching for a perfect person to love. When we find this ideal image, only then can we open our hearts and offer love. But the search to be or to find the perfect person, takes all your joy in life away. No matter how good everything is, or a relationship is, something always seems to be missing. This is a joke we play on ourselves. If we actually take some time to explore who this perfect person is that we're seeking, we can easily see, it's only some ego ideal. A dream, an image, a delusion.

Everyone contains everything, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, powerful and then weak at times. When we let go of judging and labeling and can be with the person moment by moment exactly as they are, the fresh breezes of spring wash through our hearts.

Stop demanding so much from each moment and person. See the beauty and perfection of what is offered. As you do so, you will soon realize that the perfect person to love is standing right in front of you.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Just a Little Taste of Love

Love is so powerful, just a little taste of real love, melts away so much fear and pain. And yet it is said that we are so stingy, we refuse to open our hearts and let that love out.

Many people feel that love causes them pain. They can get hurt or become too vulnerable. They are not aware of the difference between real and counterfeit love. Real love never hurts. Counterfeit love is confusing feelings of attachment, excitement, dependency and possessiveness with love. That is not love. That does cause distress. Real love is something else. It is based upon the principles of peace of mind. It creates a state of mind that is fearless and brings forth the best in others as well as ourselves. As we undertake the practice of fearlessness, we are basically undertaking the practice of peace of mind.

There are many small, easy and enjoyable steps in this process. One at a time the road is built. Each little step is do-able and enjoyable. All of them are based upon the beautiful poem, which says: "Open your hands if you want to be held." Take the focus off yourself and make an offering to another, with no expectation of something in return. That is a beautiful step on the highway of love.

Read more in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Gift of Change

There is an incredible idea we all live with that everything will and should stay the same. We cling to this notion for dear life and are continually surprised when things we love leave, when relationships fade, our body changes, our fortunes fluctuate. When all of this happens, as it naturally must, we may even feel personally insulted or betrayed. Many say, “how can this be happening to me?” Others feel victimized by change, as if it’s living proof that they are failures. They have failed to hold everything together, to keep things the same. They have failed to have their expectations realized, expectations which did not factor in, the inevitable process of change.

You Cannot Step Into The Same River Twice

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus tells us that “you cannot step into the same river twice.” The next moment you step into the river, not only is the river different, but you are different as well. Your body temperature has changed, your mood, the moment. . You have been impacted by all that has gone on. The river too has undergone changes, it has washed over rocks, swished the underbrush, tossed different fish inside it. The river is different and so are you. How beautiful and thrilling. .

However, many do not feel that change is beautiful and thrilling. They find it frightening, resist it and do all they can to block it out. They set up dams to hold it back; rigid beliefs and ideas that seek to contain the flow. This resistance to change causes real pain.

If not for the process of constant change, no growth would be possible. You would not be able to tell the difference between childish infatuation and real compassion. After you breathed in, you could not breathe out. A child could not go from sitting to crawling. Change is your friend. Change is a gift. It is crucial that you learn to see it that way.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna