You Can't Say Yes If You Can't Say No

So many of us fear saying no to others, ourselves or the endless demands that are made each day. But No, said rightly, is a statement of power. Much fear arises (especially in relationships) because we are unable to say No. This is not the impulsive, automatic no we offer out of resistance, petulance or being stuck. It's different. This kind of No comes from understanding and accepting the truth of both who you are and who you are not. It is a sign of respect for yourself, being able to be who you are and not having to distort or reject your truth.

Stop and take a moment to see what does not work for you, what is tiring, draining, repetitive and keeps you from being all you can be. Make a list. Then try saying No to one of these items. Allow yourself to reject what is wrong for you and make room for what is right. Allow yourself that taste of truth and all it brings in its wake.

www.becomefearless.org
Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind











www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

An Easy Way to Become Fearless

A great source of fear in relationships is rejection by others. Now aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. When this is not forthcoming, many begin to feel that they are not basically loveable, that something is fundamentally wrong with them. Then they twist themselves in all kinds of ways to receive the acceptance and validation they so deeply desire.

Realize that you can never do or change enough to make someone love you. And, if you do, the one they love is not you, but some false figure you've constructed. Stop all that today and learn how to accept yourself exactly as you are. When you extend understanding and good will to yourself, you will not fear rejection from others.











Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind
www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

Restoring The Self

There are many recovery groups these days; groups for alcohol, drug abuse, relationship abuse, sexual addiction, eating disorders, addictions of all kinds. How about recovery of the Self? Addictions and obsessions are fueled by hunger for the true Self, by the emptiness of life without it. Once the Self is recovered, equilibrium is established and everything else falls into place.

In the Practice of Fearlessness, it is crucial to know who you are and who you are not - what is false and unworkable in your life, where you are living someone else's dream. You must know what feels disturbing, fundamentally out of synch with who you are. It's important to acknowledge that which you cannot do, that which is not for you.

So many of us spend our lives twisting ourselves to conform to the expectations of others and completely lose touch with what is real for them. Families are famous for projecting their imags and demands on members. People "in love" can do the same. However, these images which are projected onto others can be lethal. They cause pain, distortion and lack of self acceptance, lack of knowing who we truly are.






Based on Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind
www.becomefearless.org Dr. Brenda Shoshanna topspeaker@yahoo.com

Fearless Relationship With Yourself

In order to build fearless relationships with others, it is necessary to first have a fearless relationship with yourself. This is based on knowing who you are and making friends. It can be easy to be a friend to another, and not so easy to become a friend to oneself. In order to be a real friend to yourself, it's important to take time in the midst of a busy day and notice how much time you spend each day doing what would truly make you happy and fulfilled? For most people, not much.

It may seem frightening at first to stop and schedule in time to do that which is nourishing and enjoyable for you - and to do this everyday. Some don't even know what that could be? Take time to be with yourself and find out what you'd truly like to do? Then give yourself the gift of doing it, (even for a little while) each day. Watch how your sense of well being develops. Notice new opportunities appear. As you do this you are actually taking energy away from the part within that sabotages, from the part of ourselves that refuses pleasure and joy. Little by little this part must be dismantled. . one day at a time.




www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

Building Fearless Relationships

Fear is a great factor in relationships. It confuses our mind, undermines our confidence and causes us to make unhealthy choices. But it is easy to build fearless relationships when we pinpoint the causes of fear, look it in the eye, and release this fear from our minds and hearts.

A great source of fear is rejection by others. Not aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. Rather than seeing relationships as a place of safety and support, they become dangerous. They become a place where we are constantly being tested to see if we measure up. In fact, we are constantly testing ourselves. If our partner is happy, if we've won the person of our choice, then we think we've succeeded and are worthwhile. If our partner leaves, if we can't get the person we long for, we decide we are failures and not deserving of love.

What a huge mistake! To build fearless relationships, we have to take a few steps back and start by building a fearless relationship with ourselves. We must release fear of rejection by others and stop rejecting ourselves.

Notice three ways you reject yourself. Stop it right now. Don't do it today. Turn it around and accept yourself, just as you are. Find ways in which you are lovable, this very moment. Start by accepting that.

(More to come)













www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

New Ways of Healing Suffering

When pain comes into our lives, (whether emotionally or physically) we usually tense up, fight our problems, try to figure a solution, or depend upon our logical minds. We feel we must overpower our problems with expertise. As soon as we feel pain or discomfort, we immediately try to stop it from happening and look for some way to soothe what we are going through. This orientation leads to increasing stress and a never ending battle with anything upsetting that goes on. After one problem is conquered, another arises. There is little room for peace of mind.

We do not stop and wonder what exactly the pain is saying to us – is there a lesson to be learned? In the Emotional Balancing Method, we do something different. We learn how to stop, listen and discover the lessons the suffering is trying to teach us. Suffering often comes when we feel defeated or overly exhausted. The distress may be the only way we can give themselves permission to stop, rest, and make much needed changes in our lives. Rather than tense up to fight our problems, there is another way to approach them that allows natural healing energies and understanding to flow.

In order to do this, it is important to learn how to stop, pay attention and respect all that comes to us. It is as if we were re-focusing a camera, receiving our experience through a different lens. As we do so, we see that pain is not bad. It arises from lack of balance. Our suffering can be seen as a messenger. W hen we learn how to respect it, listen to it, and ultimately release it, healing begins in all kinds of ways.

Most of the time we are reluctant to notice the quality of our lives, moment by moment. We are all experts at brushing things under the carpet. Then the carpet begins to roll up at the corners, and we feel we are coming unglued. Our suffering demands that we now pay attention to all that has been unattended to. Stop and listen to me, it pleads. We learn to "dialogue" with our pain. As we do so, we find the suffering is holding a gift in its hands, and an entirely new life begins.

Learning To Listen

We usually listen only to part of ourselves. The rest is rejected. But no matter what we are rejecting, soon or later we must come up against it and face it straight on. Rejecting something never makes it go away. In fact, it will come back time and again, just for you to accept it. Everything needs to be loved and accepted, including our pain. When we allow ourselves to be present to the pain, to listen to what it has to say, incredible changes can happen.

Simply close your eyes, stop fighting, and ask what the pain is saying to you, what does it need right now? Then become very quiet and listen deeply. An answer may not come right away. Patience is needed. This attitude is called making friends with the pain. Answers come in different ways. Some hear answers within. Others see images, some have dreams. In this process you learn to be open to all that comes and in this openness, you learn. As you do this process over and over, fear diminishes and changes that are needed often take place on their own naturally. Try and see.